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Birchbox, I think we need to have a serious adult conversation.
10$ Per Month – Free Shipping
Ships mid-month (SUPPOSEDLY) via Newgistics
This got here fast. Suspiciously fast. It arrived so fast that my box on Birchbox.com isn’t even updated to show what I’m getting. I have zero ability to earn points right now too. It’s literally like this went through some sort of dimensional black hole and arrived in my mail box Saturday. I’m sure it’ll update later but the fact that this box got to me SO early just completely throws me.
Fair warning: This review isn’t going to be all happy jolly positive.
Generally I love Birchbox. More importantly, I love their points system. Being that this is a box of deluxe samples with maybe 1 full size item once in a blue moon, I don’t have high expectations for value. I don’t have high expectations in general, though. I’m incredibly hard to please but usually if it’s encased in a mountain of tacky glitter, I’m just dandy.
This box had no tacky glitter, and I am not quite dandy.
Clearly this box had a “EVERYONE GOES OUT IN SUMMER SO HERE’S A TON OF SUMMER THEMED JUNK FOR YOUR FACE” theme. Little did they know that Beeju will only venture outside for two things: work and food. I scoff at your sun.
Hey look, a repeat item! Birchbox is one of those sub boxes that has BFF’s. It’s literally like a pre-teen who has a crush on whatever the latest boy band is and she meets other drones, befriends them, and they all fangirl over aforementioned boy band. Birchbox’s relationship with COOLA is an embodiment of one of these friendships. If you subscribe to Birchbox you will get a metric frickton of COOLA, that’s just a guarantee. That’s not to say it’s a bad brand though, I personally won’t use this because “tinted” is not a word I want in my moisturizer.
This was a Birchbox bonus, which I can only guess they threw in there because of the pathetically small sample of conditioner they sent, which is coming up further in the review. I haven’t tried this yet, but given that it’s 72$, I hope to all that is holy that I this isn’t some sort of bottled witchcraft for hair.
Another repeat item! I literally got this exact same sample in last months box. I was meh then, I’m still meh now.
And yet another repeat item. I found this to be ridiculously drying. It’s supposed to be a microdermabrasion in a bottle, which I’m sure it is for some people, but for me, it’s a nope.
Repeats ahoy! This smells good. Really good, but it’s very night time. Very date night. I do quite enjoy the smell but at 98$ a bottle, I don’t love it that much.
This is no where on the info card. I imagine that everyone that got one of the shampoo samples got one of these to try. It’s a shame that it’s literally only 1-2 uses, since this stuff is 72$ a bottle and gets rave reviews. I don’t know about you, but I have at least 100 other things I can spend 150$ on, and shampoo/conditioner isn’t one of them.
I literally got a box of repeats. Maybe that explains the overly suspicious earliness of this box. This box to me was like the last minute pre-made Easter basket. Pretty on the outside, no content and a big foam brick at the bottom. Clearly I’m disappointed by this box but I love Birchbox’s points program enough that I will stick with them through this. Typically if one item is makeup of some sort I’m pleased with the entire box, even if the entire box is lotion, which Birchbox has a clear love affair with.
Birchbox also had a giveaway awhile back where the winners would get a new benefit “revolutionary” eyeliner in their June box. Clearly I did not win, but they did include an advertisement. Personally I hate whenever a brand claims their new toy is “revolutionary.” We’re not liberating France here, they’re literally putting a slanted tip on eyeliner, that’s HARDLY revolutionary. They also included a survey for a chance to win a vacation. A long survey. At least it’s got a cute design.
Opinions are just that, opinions, and if for any reason my review has piqued your interest into Birchbox, feel free to sign up here.
Beeju purchased this subscription. As always, all opinions are my own.